I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
