Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
