We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
