I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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