Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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