Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
