I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
