I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
