so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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