clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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