So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize