Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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