I want to walk on stilts...naked
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
