I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
