he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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