I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize