I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
