you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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