i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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