It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
