p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
