I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
