something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
