What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
