Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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