Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
