so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
