whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
