I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
