He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
