He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
