I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw a hot homeless man
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
