Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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