I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
