Swine flu is the new snow day.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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