please come you make the beer taste better
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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