We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
