I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
