No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize