I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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