Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
