Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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