He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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