Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
