My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize