She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize