Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
