haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
