Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
