I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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