she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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