how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
