Your face is a jimmy john
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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