I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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