Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
