I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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