Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
