He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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