i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
