Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
