please come you make the beer taste better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
