Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
