my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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