just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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