He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
