I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
