I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
