Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
