I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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