Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
