found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
