i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
