wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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