she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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