Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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