Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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