Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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