You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
