she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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