I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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