Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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