I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize