I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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