piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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