i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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