and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
