what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
