if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
