I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
