I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
