Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
