i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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