Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
