he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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