Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
