the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
