ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize