After last night, I could never be a politician.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
