he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
