i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
