Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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