He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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