How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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