we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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